One reason I admire and respect women so much is because of how they deal with the amount of SHIT they have to put up from pervy blokes. It’s something that men will never truly understand – and something that’s only really just beginning to sink in with me now.
Barely a day goes by in the news when we don’t hear of women being sexually assaulted – whether that’s by some celebrity or politician, or just a “regular guy”, maybe reported in the local press.
Since the #metoo movement began, some women have become more empowered to talk about their experiences with guys with bollocks for brains – and it’s doing plenty of good in this country and others.
But what most men probably don’t realise is that the sleazy arseholes among them are causing women to live in fear and dread.
I’ve just read an incredible thread on Twitter about a young woman, SaraSuze, who was selling a tumble drier and got into trouble when a nasty, sleazy man turned up at her house when she was home alone to pick it up.
Despite having reservations, she let him in, headed down into the basement and tried to haul the tumble dryer up the stairs, with minimal help from him.
She writes:
And then I see it. The look on his face. He’s staring at me, hard. Right in the eyes, sly smile on his lips. My hair is matted to my forehead. I can’t get a comfortable grip. I’m just about to ask him what’s going on – is he even lifting? – when he starts to speak.
“Damn, girl. Look at you. Man, those thighs. Put em to work, huh? That sweat looks good on you. Workin thighs like that, I bet your husband is a happy man. C’mon, show me what you got.”
I was mortified. And I’m realizing I can’t get out. He & a dryer I’m lifting are blocking me.
The man didn’t harm her, but it sounds like she had a lucky escape – he even turned up at her house again later on, drunk.
What the hell gives pricks like him the right to speak to a woman like that? It’s 2018, for fuck’s sake. What about feminism, what about equality, what about respect?
What goes through sex attackers’ minds when they assault women? It’s something I’ll never understand.
Why are these misogynistic dinosaurs still walking around on the planet, treating women like nothing more than sex objects, cooks and cleaners all rolled into one?
Last Sunday, I went on a first date with a girl to a little pub in a little city near where I live. We got on like a house on fire (and we’re seeing each other again) but one thing she said really struck home.
She’d been sexually assaulted on the way to our date. She was standing at a bus stop when a guy rode past her on a bike and grabbed her bum.
Even though it’s a relatively minor sex offence, it’s still a sex offence. I pleaded with her to call the police, saying maybe he’d be picked up on CCTV. But I think I was more bothered about what had happened than she was.
Four hours later (we were putting the world to rights), I walked back to my car. It had got dark and I had to walk through some riverside gardens back to where I’d parked.
The city council clearly doesn’t care about things like streetlights anymore, so I had to walk along a path by the river in pitch darkness.
About halfway back, near a huge concrete road bridge, I saw two young men, just hanging around in the gloom, probably up to no good. In the past, pre-transition, I wouldn’t really have cared too much. I’d have kept my eye on them but walked past on my merry way.
But, as a woman, I felt pretty bloody scared. I remember clutching my handbag close to me, and taking as wide a berth as possible around them. I’m now looking at getting a rape alarm for such occasions in future.
Nothing happened – they completely ignored me – but that fear of being attacked was real, and it wasn’t something I was expecting to have to deal with as part of my transition.
And that made me think: men just don’t realise what women have to put with day in, day out. Even if you’re one of the good guys, women who don’t know you don’t know that.
How tragic is it, in 2018, that women have to go about their lives trying to minimise the risk of being attacked or, at the very least, being leered at by pervy old men?
And, more tragic still, with Donald “grab ’em by the pussy” Trump in the Whitehouse for the foreseeable future, I can’t see how matters will improve.
Andie xxx
PS If you’re a woman reading this, whether cis or trans, I’d be really grateful if you could tell me about any similar experiences you’ve encountered, in the comments below. Am I right to be so cautious?
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