‘Twas the month before Christmas…

It’s gone 2am and I can’t sleep. So I thought I’d post something about Christmas – because this one is going to be my first Christmas as female me, and I’m rather looking forward to it.

I’m not really one for getting too excited about Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it as a kid – I loved the food, the decorations, the tree, the presents, spending time with family and the pure of magic of Santa Claus. Oh, and chocolate selection boxes!

One of my earliest memories is of sitting on the sofa on Christmas Eve evening watching a Christmas special of Robin’s Nest, full of anticipation for what was to come. Robin’s Nest – yep, I really am that old!

Spoiler alert re: Father Christmas coming (but if you’re young enough to still believe, perhaps you shouldn’t be reading this blog anyway!)

I can remember the very moment I found out the big fella in red wasn’t real. I was half way up a flight of wooden stairs at my junior school. I was in the third year, which would have made me *does maths with fingers and thumbs* age ten.

Not a bad age to still believe. I bet there’s not a ten-year-old anywhere in the country who still dares to believe these days. One of the girls told The Truth me as we walked back to our classroom after breaktime/lunchtime. “It’s your mum and dad…” I was gutted.

Anyway, since then, I’ve been relatively “bah humbug” about Christmas. The magic’s still there if I’ve been in a relationship over the festive period – and I still love spending time with family and friends (these days, alcohol is usually involved!)

But in the years when I’ve been single, I don’t really bother so much. In those years, I don’t tend to have a Christmas tree at my house, and I really resent how people are expected to shell out on expensive presents for relatives they might only see once in a blue moon.

People talk about the real meaning of Christmas – baby Jesus et al – and get all sniffy about revellers having one too many sherries over the festive period. So I love to remind them that Dec 25th was originally a pagan sun god festival and that the real meaning was to get shit-faced, sing, dance and over-eat! The Romans hijacked the date and nicked it for the Christians much later.

Anyway, where am I going with all this?! Despite my misgivings, I usually end up having a marvellous time, drinking all the wine, eating all the turkey and sharing quality time with some fabulous people.

But last year was absolute shite – far and away the worst Christmas I’ve ever had. More on that here: Last Christmas as male me.

It was the first Christmas since I’d come out as trans, but I wasn’t allowed to dress up nicely for the big day, I had to open any feminine gifts at home, away from relatives’ eyes, and to top it all, I went down with flu at 2am on Christmas morning.

I remember being constantly deadnamed through the day, and I had a table place name wotsit with “Andrew” on it. After writing the above blog post a couple of days later, I even got it in the neck from infamous TERF Posie Parker on Twitter.

She’s got a way with words, hasn’t she? But she wants an “honest and respectful debate about gender”. Ha ha! She’s since been banned from Twitter (and Facebook and Mumsnet) for her daily barrages of transphobia, and rightly so. Good riddance.

Anyway, not for the first time on this blog, and certainly not for the last, I digress! After last year, it’s fair to say I wasn’t exactly looking forward to this Christmas and, until recently, when my nieces were at long last told about me being trans, I was wondering whether to celebrate it with my family at all.

Then tonight, I got a message from my little sister, asking me if I was going to her house for Christmas Day. That’s where the whole family usually end up as it’s a ruddy huge place! The conversation went something like this:

Sis: “Hi are you coming here Christmas Day?? Xx”

Me: “Dunno, not been invited!”

Sis: “Errrr would you like to come here Christmas Day??”

Me: “There’s no “dress code”, is there?”

Sis: “Smart👌🏻”

Me: “You know what I mean! 🙂”

Sis: “You wear what you want chick😘there will be 13 of us as all the clan coming and yes they know😘”

Me: “In that case, I’d love to come. Thank you, little sis. xxx xxx xxx”

I’ve got to make sausagemeat stuffing (our late Grandma’s incredible recipe), too.

So I’d say that all sounds pretty positive, no? I admit I’m a little nervous at turning up in a gorgeous frock, makeup and shoes when my brother-in-law’s relatively conservative family will all be there, but this is a million times better than what happened in 2017.

It’s taken a looooooong time to get to this situation – and I fully expect to be “Andrewed” at least a few times – but at last we’re finally getting somewhere, and it should be a joyous occasion.

I just need to make sure I look at least as hot as my sis and my brother-in-law’s brother’s wife – both blonde bombshells!

The first Christmas as female me – that feels great. I’ll have been on estrogen for 7.5 months and T-blockers 1.5 months come the big day. And, since I last wrote, things have finally started happening physically – I have Puberty 2.0 growing pains! More on that later.

I’m sure I’ll update the blog again a time or two before December 25th but, for now, have a great Christmas – and enjoy the run-up to the big day. Drink too much, eat too much, smile, laugh, spend time with people you love. Bollocks to the plastic presents, make memories!

Whether you’re a Christian, a Pagan or a common-or-garden non-secular humanist like me, ’tis the season for goodwill to all people. Peace and love to you and, whether you’re gay or straight, trans or cis, black or white, be nice to each other.

Andie xxx