I’m at home nursing a hangover today, but I don’t mind at all because yesterday Pride came to town – and it was beyond brilliant. It was one of the best days of my life.
I don’t use phrases like “one of the best days of my life” lightly – but this really was. It was a triumph of pure love over bitter hate. I am absolutely BUZZING today.
A few days ago, I wrote this blog piece, which basically outlines my concerns about being trans and living in a small town. While most people here are accepting and fabulous, there are a few characters who are bigots.
So I said that I hoped Pride could, in some small way, change that. I also said that I doubted one event would have much impact – and that it might take ten or 15 Prides to do it.
I was sooooooo wrong – and I’m so happy to eat humble pie. Pride 1 was incredible. Everything (well, virtually everything!) was super-positive, and the amount of LOVE in the town was beyond tangible. You could smell it, you could taste it, you could reach out and FEEL it.
And, of course, you could see it. The town was a sea of rainbow colours – from giant flags and banners to costumes and make-up. I’ve never seen this little place look so, so beautiful.
So, yesterday morning, I got ready and dashed downstairs, eager to get out there and be PROUD. My pal Bob, who I’ve known since 1985, knocked on my door, and he was there with his girlfriend and her little boy.
In fact, it’s only just occurred to me that this was the first time they’d seen me en femme (second time for Bob). They said I looked fabulous, and we headed up to the Market Place, where the parade began.
Now usually, when I walk through town, I feel a little uneasy – a little nervous of being stared at or someone shouting something abusive. That feeling had completely gone yesterday. This was MY day – and I wasn’t going to let any hateful bigot spoil it!
The Market Place was a sea of colour. It looked amazing. And any fears that the town’s people might not support Pride were instantly swept away in a rainbow-coloured tide. It was PACKED!
Rumour has it there were FIVE THOUSAND people there. WOW! To put that in context, that’s a quarter of the town’s population.
I chatted to the event’s chairwoman, and some of the volunteers (one my old boss, his wife who is also my old maths teacher, and a lady who owns one of the restaurants here).
And I kept bumping into friends – so many hugs, such amazing love. Such a feeling of acceptance and inclusivity. It was a red hot morning, and the sunshine only helped to make the scene more colourful.
After a few minutes, the town mayor addressed the crowds on a loudhailer. And then we were off. There must have been thousands of people either in the parade or lining the route.
It was impossible not to smile. There were more banners than you could shake a stick at, so much colour, vibrancy, love. That word again! Loads of shops and other businesses had decorated their windows with rainbow flags. There was even a competition to reward the best ones.
I’ve never seen anywhere look so colourful – and that includes larger Prides I’ve been to in cities. As well as the rainbow flag, there were transgender flags, bisexual flags, genderqueer flags, every LGBT+ flag you could think of.
Whereas I usually walk down the main shopping street with blinkers on, not making eye contact with anyone, this time I was looking at everyone. All the eye contact, all the smiles. No stares, no awkwardness. I felt liberated – still do.
We eventually arrived in the public gardens, where there were loads of stalls, a stage with live music, a kids’ area, food, drink and, most of all, loads of people. I did wonder if people might disappear once the parade had finished – not a bit of it!
So then I (with Rob et al) wandered around, and I met loads more friends. My second cousin, a fabulous lesbian, was there. One of my former consultants from Slimming World was there. Another lady who used to go to Slimming World was there. One of the chaps from football with his wife. Hugs and kisses all round.
Then I got my face painted – with the colours of the trans flag, natch! I was having a whale of a time. Best two quid I’ve ever spent!
As Rob and co departed, my pal Di arrived. She’d driven down from oop North. So we wandered round the gardens for a bit and then headed back to the Market Place. Here were all three of the emergency services (OK, I’m not including coastguard here!)
So there was the ambulance service, the fire service with a splendid rainbow-coloured fire engine and the police, with some of their vehicles.
I chatted to some of the PCSOs there, in particular about hate crime – specifically what does (and does not) constitute a hate crime – and the various ways to report hate crimes.
Di and I headed back to the gardens and wandered round the stalls. Some of them had paper or blackboards on which you could write a message of support to the LGBT+ community, and so I did just that.
One of them was a stall hosted by a group of LGBT+ Christians, and we chatted about the fact that, just because you believe in God and the contents of the Bible, it doesn’t mean you also have to be transphobic/homophobic. Somebody tell Caroline Farrow!
Then we wandered into the town centre and headed for lunch at a cafe I’ve been to dozens of times, but never en femme. The staff there, who I’ve known for years, couldn’t have been kinder, asking about my name and pronouns – and telling me I looked great.
Back to the gardens and we ordered a couple of glasses of wine from a guy I used to work with in my last business. He only ever knew me as Andy. He was lovely, too.
And then the beer started to flow. The bar was run by the staff of one of the micropubs I go to. And guess what? They were lovely, too!
And then something rather magical happened. I met my ex! When I say ex, I’m not referring to anyone previously mentioned on this blog, but a girl I was with about 20 years ago.
I didn’t recognise her at first, but then she revealed who she was and it was hugs all round. She looks absolutely beautiful and is clearly a trans ally. How sad I never told her, during our relationship, about me being trans. Had I have done, she’d have been completely fine with it. Different times!
As the beers went down, I just became happier and happier – not a care in the world. I was surrounded by so much love. Eventually Di and I bumped into my next-door neighbours, who are both super-supportive of me.
We also met their friends, and I kinda hung out with them for the rest of the day after Di headed home. My memory’s a little hazy here (way too much beer!) but they were ace, we’re all now friends on Facebook and we’re going to meet up again soon.
We watched a couple of singers on the stage and then headed to one of the pubs in town, which had a Robbie Williams tribute act on, all as part of Pride.
And the love kept flowing. I lost count the amount of bearded men who came up to me, hugged me, kissed me (no tongues!) and told me they were proud of me just for being me. WOW!
These were guys I’d never met before – they were just doing it to be nice. And it just made me realise that, whatever hateful bigots do or say or write to try to upset me, they’re just bitter, twisted people who don’t matter a jot. It’s people like these guys who really matter.
So “Robbie” (despite not really looking much like Robbie!) was bloody marvellous. I was singing I LOVE MY LIFE as loud as I could – and I probably meant it more than anyone else there. Angels was pretty decent, too. Natch!
My new friends and I were now getting on famously. One even has a partner who’s non-binary, so it was ace to chat to her. Her sister was equally fabulous. There was much dancing and wearing of rainbow-coloured feather boas.
Then Robbie was done and we all headed to another venue for an evening of LGBT+ spoken word – so mainly poetry with a little comedy thrown in.
The venue has no bar, but we were free to take our drinks, so we headed to the off-licence on the Market Place.
It’s run by a little Asian chap, who usually seems nice enough. He says “Hello, boss!” to everybody. But, apart from one time a few months ago, which passed without incident, I’ve never been in there en femme.
So the girls and I headed in and began to look at the beers. Then the little fella took one look at me and started laughing.
So, feeling empowered by love (and maybe alcohol), quick as a flash, I said to him: “Why are you laughing? Don’t you know what today is? It’s Pride!”
His response was to laugh at me again.
So I replied: “OK, you’ve just lost a customer, I’ll take my money elsewhere.”
And so I did. And I’ll never set foot in there again as long as he runs the place. My new pals also gave him a piece of their mind and away we all came.
As I said earlier, I wasn’t going to allow him or any other bigot to ruin my big day. So I just walked out and thought: “Well, buddy, you’re the one losing out here. I’m having one of the best days of my life, you’ve just lost several loyal customers. Was it really worth it?”
We headed up the road to another shop which sells craft beers. Bit pricey but the beers were out of this world – and the chaps selling them were loving the Pride vibe. In fact, they also had a stall in the gardens.
So, beers purchased, we headed to the venue. We were also joined again by Bob. We’d missed the first speaker, but were just in time for the second, a beautiful young lady who I used to work with.
She identifies as queer herself and she travels all over the country reading her poems. Her performance was brilliant. Due to the huge amounts of alcohol involved, I can’t remember all the poems, but the one called Pride really stood out – and really touched my pals and I.
After her performance, there was a gay chap doing his last gig before appearing at Edinburgh Fringe. Again, he was bloody brilliant. I just wish I could remember more than I can!
After the performance ended, more hugs. From my new pals, who were heading home, from the lady poet I mentioned, from my old boss, who was also there.
Then Bob and I headed to one of the town’s micropub. Cos we’d not had enough beer, had we?! I’ve written on here a few times how there are two hurdles I still need to clear. One is going to my local football club en femme. The other is going to the pub – and this one in particular, one where I usually turn up in jeans and T-shirt, so not en femme.
So yeah, for the first time all day, I felt a bit nervous. I mean, the wall-to-wall love and alcohol made me less nervous than I would otherwise have been, but I was still a tad apprehensive.
The pub was fairly quiet (phew) when we got there, but I still expected one or two stares and nudges. Didn’t happen. We ordered drinks and then went to sit outside as it was so hot.
Bob left soon after as he had to be up early this morning. But Bob, if you’re reading this, thank you so much for all your support. As well as making new friends, it’s so important that my old friends – especially those I’ve known for almost 35 years – have got my back. I’ve always felt that you have, so thank you. Same to you, Di.
Bob and I had also got chatting to a few of the locals, who were enjoying a beer and a cigarette outside. One was a chap I’d met before (when I was in bloke mode). He’d been in the parade earlier. Another was a girl I’d also met before (also when I was in bloke mode) working behind the bar of another pub.
More hugs, more love. We were there until closing time, putting the world to rights, all pissed as farts!
Another chap there was one of the barmen. And he had seen me on my previous en-femme visit to the pub a few weeks back (though he knew I was trans before that).
Basically, I’d been for lunch that day with my parents (I was en femme), we’d had a couple of beers with lunch and I suggested dropping in at the pub afterwards for a couple more.
I was v nervous but, thinking it would be empty, and fuelled by Dutch courage, in we went. The barman that day just said “Hi Andie” as though I’d just walked in in jeans and a T-shirt, as I usually would, not particularly presenting as anything.
But I noticed that another chap, who’s the sort of stand-in landlord, didn’t say hello. He wasn’t being funny or anything – he just didn’t acknowledge me as he usually would.
Anyway, I didn’t say anything about it at the time. Then, last night, he came over to my table and had a really good chat to me. Basically, I don’t think he knew I was trans until that earlier visit and was a tad confused. Which is fair enough!
So I explained that it was OK – and that, yeah, I had been nervous about visiting the place en femme.
And then he was just really lovely – I can’t remember the exact words cos I’d been drinking for 12 hours straight by this point! – but he said he felt bad that he’d not said hi on that previous visit.
He also said that I was welcome in there wearing whatever the f*ck I like, identifying as however the hell I like – and that, if anyone does say anything transphobic, I must let him know straight away and he’ll nip the problem in the bud. Then more hugs (obvs!) Bless him!
And that was how my Pride ended, on a massive high note to top all the other high notes. I wrote the other day that it might take years of Prides to start changing some people’s attitudes here, but I think we’ve made a massive difference with just one.
To all the organisers, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You can be so, so proud. Now we just need to make sure that this amazing wave of love continues – it can’t just be a once-a-year thing. And I’m sure it will.
Finally, let me repeat these words I heard an elderly lady say to her friend when I popped to the supermarket for a drink: “Well, it’d be a dull world if we were all the same, wunttit?!”
How right you are.
Andie xxx
Cazza says
So chuffing pleased for you, sweetie. I’d have joined you, had I not been busy glittering up myself at a festival. Love you x
Andie Pas de Deux says
Aww, thanks, hunny! You’d have loved it. It was so good. Don’t forget to let me know when you’re free for a catch-up! xxx
Nat says
Sounds amazing…so pleased you had a fab day! X x
Andie Pas de Deux says
Thanks Nat!!! xxx
Natasha Belle says
WOW!! What a great event and a wonderful experience. Seems like it was a very successful first Pride. As to the shopkeeper well, if he was like that with others as well, which I think is likely then that’s his business battered, and quite right too. He must be weird as Asian cultures generally are very open and tolerant of others. Ho Hum.
I had a splitting headache most of yesterday I think it could be down to your subconscious spreading the joy, one of the few advantages of being unable to process alcohol any more.
Isla says
Yay awesome Andie!
For you my duck, I hope the positive day you had will give you the confidence to say ‘eff it & clear those final hurdles.
Life is for living & that old lady is spot on Xxx