How I came out as transgender on Facebook

Facebook flashed up a reminder today to tell me that it’s the second anniversary of my coming out. So I thought I’d tell you what happened – and give some advice to anyone else LGBT+ who’s also considering coming out via social media.

As regular readers will know, “baby steps” is my go-to phrase when it comes to my transition: don’t rush things, do them in your own good time. One step at a time.

I started coming out to people much more than two years ago. I told my closest friends, one by one – and then kept them updated as every step I took led to another and another, and then it became clear that “crossdressing” wasn’t gonna be enough.

Then I told my family, starting with my sister and then telling my mum and dad via a letter. All went well (eventually!) Even the brother-in-law’s on board now. I keep bumping into him in the supermarket and he’s been lovely every time.

I hate the fact that LGBT people have to “come out”at all. It’s 2019 and people are supposed to be enlightened. But, sadly, it’s still something that has to be done.

I never really considered that coming out would happen in stages – first my friends, then my family and then, well, everyone else.

But that’s how it is, or at least how it was with me. Once I’d told my parents, I told them that I’d put something on Facebook to let everyone else know. So less-close friends, colleagues, business contacts.

The plan was to write some kind of statement – but then I never really got around to it. I was still bothered what people might think.

When it happened, it was completely unplanned. I was on holiday in Santorini and it was the second day of my week-long holiday.

It was the first time I’d spent more than a few hours en femme, and I was really happy. Apart from one or two transphobic Greek waiters (don’t all me Sir, you dick!), everyone was super-nice.

It was sunny, the beers flowed in the daytime and the wine at nighttime. Regina Spektor and Sleeper provided the soundtrack to the holiday. I was living the life of Riley on a paradise isle, and I just felt really relaxed and content.

I was staying in a little family-run hotel with the most amazing sea views across to smaller volcanic islands, and every morning began with coffee, orange juice and an amazing breakfast of eggs, ham, cheese and buttered white bread – the sort of breakfast I usually avoid due to Slimming World.

On this particular morning I was wearing a navy blue polka dot swimdress, and I took a few selfies on my phone at the breakfast table. Then I just decided there and then: I’m gonna stick this on Facebook!

I figured that everyone who really mattered already knew anyway and, if anyone who didn’t know had an issue with it, well, tough titty – their problem!

Also, I was in another country so, if things did somehow go nuclear, I wasn’t gonna be there to deal with the fallout.

So I scrolled through the selfies, picked the best one (as ya do) and uploaded it. There was no epic statement, as I’d planned. Just a dead simple caption:

Soooooo, today is a good day to be alive. 😎 #lovelife #liberation

And that’s it! I didn’t even say anything about coming out – but I guess the photo kinda spoke for itself; I didn’t need to. Then I clicked on “Send”.

By the way, I’d already changed my name from Andy to Andie on there a few weeks earlier – but I hadn’t stated why.

And then things went a bit mental – but in a really good way. You know that thing when your phone has been switched off for a few hours, you turn it on and loads of messages come through all at once?

Well, that. But all day long. And all night long – and then all day long the next day! BING! BING! BING! BING! BING! BING!

The post got more than 100 likes and loves – and almost 180 comments. Every single one of them was positive.

I’m sure there must have been one or two people who thought: “What the actual fuck?!”

But, if they did think that, they didn’t say anything. Nobody unfriended me. Just goes to show that my friends are awesome.

All the comments were really supportive. The friends who knew already were pleased that the secret was finally out – and everyone else couldn’t have been nicer.

Here are a few of the comments:

Awwww. Made me well up!! So fabulous to finally see the real you, loud and proud, and looking soooo happy. xxxxx

Feel good – feel happy – feel free – with you all the way (coming from father of a gay married son and a trans cousin).

Congratulations to you coz for finally being true to yourself. Not seen you in ages but your still my little cousin and you deserve to be happy. Sod anyone who disagrees. It’s your life not bloody theirs xx

Looking good Andie. Well done for being brave and living your life the way you want to live it. 💕 (that was the girliest heart I could find!)

Having watched Danish Girl a few nights ago, I totally get it and admire you for being true to how you need to live your life. A big shock to see Andie for the first time I admit, but now that feeling has been replaced with admiration and a genuine desire to wish you a wonderful new life ahead xx

The town’s own Eddie Izzard!!! Be happy. This isn’t a ploy to get the best times on Strava (in the ladies section) is it?

That last one from a cyclist friend. And yeah, I do hold a couple of “Queen of the Mountain” titles!

I remember feeling so happy that day. I couldn’t stop checking my phone – I felt liberated and validated.

So that’s how I did it. There are a few things I’d have done differently in the past couple of years – some things I wouldn’t have done at all.

But I’m only human and you learn from your mistakes, and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger (as does having such amazing, supportive friends). For every vile TERF to have had a dig at me, there are dozens of trans allies who’ve got my back.

It’s been really nice to read all those comments today, for the first time since I came out – and I would definitely recommend Facebook as a way to come out, especially if you’re transgender. I always think LGB people get an easier deal becase being lesbian, bisexual or gay is less “visible”.

Tell your friends first, get their approval and then tell your family (far more scary than telling your pals!) Once that’s done, it’s relatively easy to tell everyone else.

Facebook makes it really easy. I wouldn’t recommend coming out on Twitter or Instagram – messages are easily missed on those platforms.

But virtually everyone’s on Facebook, and the chances of them missing your big announcement are tiny.

In my experience, the scariest part about coming out is the worry about what might happen – and I do realise that not everyone has it as easy as I did.

But you’re gonna feel epic when it’s all done. It’s like a giant weight being lifted off your shoulders – and it’s so lovely to get all those comments from people who love you – they’re the ones that really matter.

Andie xxx