Two little words have been doing the rounds a lot the past few days after the tragic suicide of Caroline Flack: be kind.
I’d never heard of Caroline until her death was announced: Reality TV shows don’t exactly do it for me. Reality TV isn’t real at all – it’s fake.
That said, if it floats your boat, well, good for you. I must confess that I was hooked on the very first series of Big Brother when reality TV was still shiny and new. It’s just not my thing these days.
I’m currently listening to an audio statement on the radio from the boyfriend of Caroline, who, it appears was hounded to death by trolls on social media and in the mainstream media.
“We can now change what is happening,” he’s just said. “We can move forward.”
I only wish I believed him, but the world is full of trolls and I fear that appeals such as this will only fall on deaf ears where they are concerned.
Geuninely nice, kind people are the sorts of people who will hear the “be kind” appeals and will feel sympathy and empathy towards trolls’ victims.
But geniunely nice, kind people aren’t the sort of people who spend hour after hour trolling people from hiding behind fake names (I’m talking to you, “Sandy-ie”) and computer keyboards.
So you can appeal for people to be nice until the cows come home – it’s not going to work until social media sites up their game and start showing zero tolerance towards the bullies.
Twitter, YouTube, Facebook and all the rest are full of hatred to LGBT+ and BAME people. I’ve reported literally hundreds of these comments to the social media moderators. I’d say less than 1% ever get taken down.
And now, of course, we have sites like Gab, which is just a cesspit of racists, transphobes and every other kind of bigot you could imagine.
As a trans person, I’ve been subject to transphobic abuse from various people, both on social media and on this very blog (I refuse to publish the comments that get sent in here).
There’s an old saying that often does the rounds in meme format and it goes something like this:
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind.
Caroline Flack had her mental health demons – and felt she couldn’t go on, ending her life at the tender age of 40.
Trolls pushed her to suicide, but will they care? Of course not. Because, with that sort of person, problems are always someone else’s fault. They’re never to blame themselves, for anything. These narcissists see themselves as practically perfect.
Regarding transphobia, my friend Di made an interesting statement a few months ago about TERFs’ claims that being trans is a form of mental illness.
For a start, being trans is not a mental illness, any more than being gay, bi or lesbian is. It’s just a state of being that can be sorted out with, among other things, HRT, surgery and a strong support network.
But if TERFs really believe it IS a mental illness, why do they spend so much time trolling trans people?
Would they do the same with people who suffer with bipolar, or acute anxiety, or PTSD? No, of course not. So why do they think trans people, who they consider mentally ill, are fair game for abuse?
While being trans isn’t a mental disorder per se, that doesn’t mean trans people don’t suffer other mental health issues, which can be made worse if you’re on the end of constant trolling.
I’ve had my battles with depression and anxiety – but that’s only to be expected when you spend 40-odd years living in the gender opposite to the one you want to live in.
Isn’t it interesting that most trans people feel happier after coming out, and starting their transition?
Isn’t it also interesting that those tiny numbers who detransition only really do so because of the abuse they receive from bigots?
I’m fortunate that I don’t let transphobic trolls online get to me (though I used to). My days of being a shouty Twitter trans activist are over – I just don’t need the hassle in my life.
Most people who visit this blog will be nice people anyway, so there’s no use in telling them to “be kind”. As for the handful of trolls who visit, there’s no use in telling them either, because they won’t listen – haters gonna hate.
I truly pity keyboard warriors. If a person has so little self esteem that they have to try to build themselves up by tearing other people down, I just think that’s so sad – for both parties.
Before she died, Caroline posted this:
In a world where you can be anything, be kind.
It’s heartbreaking that no-one listened to her. #bekind – and if you can’t be, you’re not welcome here.
Andie xxx
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