Eleven days ago, I wrote a very ranty post complaining about my dad constantly deadnaming me. Having seen him three times since, it’s only fair to set the record straight. He’s finally getting it right!
I changed my name by deed poll back in the summer of 2017. Since then, it’s fair to say that some of my family have struggled with my new name.
I tried to keep things simple by legally changing my name from Andrew to Andie, though most people knew me as Andy before that anyway. Despite warnings from the gender clinic that it was too similar to my old name, I liked “Andie” and thought it would make things easier for people.
Twenty-six months on, my parents – especially my Dad – have found it difficult. Not so much the fact that I’m on HRT, wearing frocks and changing gender – but my name.
In that last post, I was really upset and, aided by five pints of real ale, I just let rip. I was just getting really annoyed that my Dad wasn’t making the effort to use my new name.
Since then, I’ve had chance to reflect on the matter. First of all, it wasn’t because he was refusing to use my new name, it was just that he was forgetting.
And then I thought about other people we know – and I realised he forgets their names all the time, too.
We’ve been going to watch our local non-league football team for a few years now – and he still can’t remember who half the people there are called!
He’s alright if nicknames are involved – so Pistol? No problem! But when we’re talking about Gaz, or Paul, or Phil, forget it!
He’s 71 and his memory’s not what it once was. So I decided, after writing that last post, to cut him some slack. I would still correct him with an “Andie” if he got my name wrong, but I’d leave it at that. No rants about deadnaming or whatever.
Anyway. My rant at the pub on the day I wrote that blog post appears to have done the trick. I saw him on Bank Holiday Monday for another match.
He called me Andrew – and I gently corrected him with an “Andie”. And since then, he’s not deadnamed me once. It was Andie all the way for the rest of that day. I even got a female pronoun thrown in!
Same at the football yesterday, no issues. And same out with him and Mum for a carvery today. Another female pronoun today, too.
Now I’ve not asked them to use she/her pronouns – I wanted them to get the name right first. But it feels amazing when they do, and I love that they’re making the effort.
I think it’ll still be a long time before I receive “To a Dearest Daughter” Christmas and birthday cards, but that’s fine.
All I ever wanted was for them to make the effort to get my name right – and, at long, long last, that’s what they’re doing.
Long may it continue. Hoorah!
Andie xxx
Isla says
That is really nice to hear 😊
Andie Pas de Deux says
Really nice to write, too. Still a long way to go, but that’s a big step taken. 🙂
Isla says
That he is actually trying is really good. Happy for you m’love 🙂
Andie Pas de Deux says
Thanks babes. xxx
Natasha Belle says
Fantastic news Andie. I’m so happy that it’s going better and I hope your Dad feels a lot better for it too.
Hugs
Natasha
Andie Pas de Deux says
Thank you, Natasha! xxx
Charlie.mtf says
Awesome news Andie <3
It really feels awesome when those closest to us get it right.
I am so happy for you.
Andie Pas de Deux says
Aaaaw, thanks Charlie! xxx