Life’s good. The hormones and anti-hormones are working wonderfully, I’m presenting en femme more often than not, and I bloody love, love, love my new job! Time for an update!
First, the hormones. I get so many visitors to this blog who want to read about the various effects of MTF HRT after certain periods – a week, a month, two months, six months and so on. I did the same Google searches before I started and I like to think this blog can help people in the same position as I was then – especially trans women in their 40s, like me.
That said, your mileage may vary. Everybody’s different, every body’s different. And just because I’ve had certain results after certain periods of time, it doesn’t mean other people will have the same results. We all develop at different rates, as does a cis person going through puberty.
So, as I’ve said before, I’m doing this through the good old British NHS. That means you take estrogen for about six months. After your E levels reach the “normal” female range, you start T-blockers to bring down the testosterone.
During the first six months, not much, if anything, happened. I got a bit concerned about this, but was assured by the gender clinic and other trans people that this is perfectly normal. So, if you’re in the same boat, don’t worry, be patient.
Once the T-blockers are introduced, that’s when things really start to change. After six months of nothing happening, the last four months have been something of an eye opener! Barely a week goes by without me noticing something else has changed.
So what’s happened? Well, boobs! My nipples started to become tender a couple of months ago. They’re still tender! And there’s a definite bud starting to grow behind each one, bigger on the right side, which was the first one to become tender. They don’t “look” much different, but I don’t think it will be too long before the growth becomes visible. So that’s nice!
Body hair! I’ve never been the hairiest of people, but what body hair I used to have on my chest and stomach has virtually all gone. I’d say at least 95% has disappeared completely. What remains is so thin and wispy as to be virtually invisible. No need to shave anymore. Hurrah!
The hair on my legs doesn’t seem to have changed much – but that on my arms has certainly thinned out quite a lot and is blonde. It always used to be dark in winter, only going blonde in the summer thanks to the sun.
Other than that, my skin seems softer, that musky male body smell is long gone and I feel happier. Libido is waaaaay down, but things still work with a little coaxing. I was expecting this. Don’t want to go into the realms of “too much information” here, but orgasm is far less intense and far “dryer”. It’s fine. Plus, female orgasms are in the post!
To be honest, I barely think of sex these days. I’m far from asexual, but I’d much rather have cuddles and a cuppa tea with a special someone! In the past, I was really concerned about loss of sex drive, loss of performance. But now that’s happened, I simply don’t care.
So that’s the hormone side out of the way. Still loads of things to happen, but it’s a fab start. Looking forward to the other effects very much – bring on the curves!
I started my new job three weeks ago and have been presenting as female every day. My (male and female) colleagues are absolutely fantastic and refer to me with female pronouns. Apart from when one woman forgets. But she knew me as Andy for years and years, so it’s cool – and it doesn’t happen often.
The job itself is wonderful. I still have loads to learn, but I’ve learnt so much and it’s amazing to have a proper job again after years of being self-employed. I have things like a pension, healthcare, holiday pay – it’s wonderful! In fact, today is one of my days’ holiday (had a few beers last night).
I’ve still got a few hurdles to clear in my transition, but not many now. I go to work en femme every day. The first day, I was so nervous. There’s a guy who lives nearby who I call Fagash Bill. He’s an old guy who stands on his balcony smoking – and he smokes a LOT, so he seems to be there as often as he’s inside.
On my first day, Fagash Bill was in his usual position. Bearing in mind he once shouted “Andrew!” to me when I was en femme on my way to Slimming World, I try and avoid him. He’s also a right old perv.
So I didn’t really want to see him that morning. I snuck out of the back door instead, hoping he wouldn’t see me. Three weeks later, I just think: fuck it! Front door, head up, walk to my car whether he’s there or not.
I still have a few hurdles to clear – for instance, I’m not brave enough yet to go to the football en femme, or to most local pubs. Unfortunately, my love for non-league football and real ale tends to involve lots of *blokes*, by which I mean “men’s men” – the sort of people who might be transphobic. Not all of them, far from it, but some of them.
But that’s about it, hurdle wise. I go to the supermarket en femme, I walk through town en femme, I go to work en femme. And I don’t get any funny looks. I think most people are so self-absorbed, they don’t tend to look at other people much anyway, whether trans or not.
Finally, I’ve come off Twitter (again)! I did this before (see here) but found myself back on there after a week or two. This time it’s permanent, and I feel so much better for it. Reading the constant transphobia from TERFs, Mumsnet fascists and certain UK newspapers – and all the responses to it from indignant trans people – takes its toll.
I got sick and tired of all the negativity, and furious with Twitter for refusing to take the complaints seriously. Yes, it’s banned TERFs like Posie Parker, Miranda Yardley and Meghan Murphy (despite, in some cases, unsuccessful attempts to circumnavigate the bans by setting up new accounts).
But there are transphobes on there who have been slagging off trans people for years. People like Anne Ruzylo, Caroline Farrow and Graham Linehan. It used to be great sport to report their tweets – sometimes on a daily basis. Twitter would sometimes reply to say some tweets had breached its terms against hate speech.
But the accounts are still there and, until Twitter starts permanently banning people for transphobia, I’ve had enough. People with thicker skins than mine can do the reporting. I’m enjoying life without all the negativity and my mental health has improved immeasurably for doing so. I’m in touch with the friends I made on Twitter on other platforms.
That’s all, folks. Onwards and upwards!