And that’s no exaggeration. Firstly, apologies for not writing for so long. “Real” life got in the way – and then I forgot my password. I’ve managed to retrieve it now.
Anyway, yeah, the pursuit of becoming more girly came pretty close to killing me a few weeks ago, as I hinted at in an earlier post.
I’ve been transgender for many years and have tried a few times to grow breasts without going down the NHS or private doctor route.
We’re talking about self-medicating here. I did my research and came across various ways of growing boobs. These ranged from hypnosis and special massages to breast pumps and phytoestrogens – estrogen substances found in certain plants.
It might sound like mumbo jumbo, but some of these methods really work – for men and women. But what I didn’t realise was that taking estrogen – even a plant-based version – could be fatal.
I began with a product called Natureday, which is a blend of various phytoestrogens and has been used by many men, some of them getting impressive results, according to the website’s testimonials.
This was back in 2006 and I have to say that it did nothing for me. I think I had a few “tingles” – but I don’t remember any growth. Then I tried another product, called St Herb, which contains Pueraria Mirifica, widely regarded as the strongest phytoestrogen.
Again, results were limited in terms of breast growth – but I did notice other effects. The main one involved orgasm – my orgasms didn’t feel as powerful as they once did and the semen, instead of being thick and white, became thin and colourless – more or less like water.
This scared me and so I stopped taking the pills and using the creams. After a short time, my orgasms returned to normal. I’ve never really wanted children – but I didn’t want to become infertile either because maybe I would want them in the future. That was the main reason I stopped.
After that, I tried other methods which did not involve phytoestrogens. I would perform half a dozen different breast massages every day and hook myself up to a Noogleberry breast pump for an hour each evening.
This did indeed work and I had a little growth. Straight after the pumping, I had rather large breasts, but these would soon become tiny again after an hour or two.
I stopped the pumping because it was time-consuming and, if I over-pumped, I ended up with nasty blisters.
And then I left it all alone for a few years. Until November 18, 2014, when I wanted to try the phytoestrogens again. I discussed what I wanted to do with my amazingly supportive girlfriend and, although she’d much rather I didn’t grow breasts, she didn’t want to stand in my way.
So I did the research again and came across a forum called Breast Nexus. This is basically a website containing several forums dedicated to NBE – Natural Breast Englargement, or Natural Breast Enhancement.
Included within that is a section called Breast Growth for Genetic Males, which includes sub-forums on phytoestrogens, bovine ovary and all the other ways of developing breasts in guys.
I spent hours there and became addicted to reading the posts. The “before and after” threads fascinated me – this stuff really worked. There was no doubt about it.
Most of the guys were (and still are) using a brand of Phytoestrogen called Ainterol. This one seems to be the industry standard these days, just as St Herb used to be a few years back.
Again, I checked for any health risks or side effects but could find nothing. After all, these were just herbs, weren’t they? So nothing like the strong “pharma” estrogen prescribed to trans women, right? Wrong!
Anyway, I placed a large order and waited for the goods to arrive from Germany. After a couple of weeks, they arrived and I was eager to get started. I wanted breasts – I still do – and here was the key to unlock them.
I began on what, according to some of the posters on Breast Nexus, was a low dose – although that was double the dose stated on the bottle. So I was taking four 500mg pills per day. The bottle stated two 500mg pills per day – but this was considered to be the dose for women, according some forum members.
I did suffer with ocular migraines for the first couple of weeks after starting, but they soon stopped as my body got used to the E. I combined the “PM” with Saw Palmetto (as an anti-andogen) but then switched this to White Peony Root extract and Reishi Mushroom pills – more herbs. I forget what effects each had – but the two were supposed to work well with the PM.
And sure enough, it worked! Behind both nipples, I began to bud – little discs could be felt, the left one slightly bigger than the right. I was so happy and loved the sensations – the tingles, the pains, the incredible sensitivity.
Then I messed up. Breast growth takes years – it comes in spurts. So when mine stopped growing, instead of being patient and waiting for the next spurt, I thought I’d up the PM dosage. So I want from 2,000mg per day to 3,000mg. And then 4,000mg.
Plenty of guys on the forum were taking 4,000-plus and weren’t reporting side effects, so I thought I’d be fine. But it was a decision that could have killed me.
In the summer of this year, I began to feel an aching in my left calf. I thought it was just a calf strain from exercising, so did a few stretches and took painkillers. But the pain got worse and worse and my calf swelled up like balloon.
I checked into my local hospital, which referred me to A&E. The next day, I had an ultrasound, which revealed that I had DVT – Deep Vein Thrombosis – or a blood clot stuck in one of the veins in my leg – this one near my groin.
The doctors couldn’t work out why I had it – and I was puzzled myself. I’m fairly young, take lots of exercise and there’s no family history. I’d not been on any long-haul flights for years either. And yet, I had DVT and had to begin taking drugs to sort it out. It was only later that I wondered if the PM was to blame.
The first couple of weeks involved very painful injections in my stomach and I was told to take warfarin for six months. I also have to wear compression stockings for two years.
Now in terms of stockings, that’s one good thing to come out of this. Because my clot was so high up my leg, it meant I had to wear thigh-length stockings and, because I’m allergic to the latex/silicone they use in hold-ups, it meant I was forced to wear a suspender belt.
I love stockings but hadn’t worn them for a while because I found them so fiddly – so I’d either wear tights or trouser/crew/knee socks instead. Since getting the DVT, I’ve been wearing stockings every day and really enjoying it.
But that’s about the only good thing to come out of this. I now have to see my doctor every week to get my INR (blood thickness) measured and my warfarin dose tweaked. I’m not allowed to drink alcohol – although I still have a little.
Had that clot moved from my leg to my lungs (pulmonary embolism), brain (stroke) or heart (heart attack), I’d probably be dead now.
So this post is to urge people to take care. Estrogen – even the plant form – is very dangerous and can kill you if you’re not careful. Only take it under medical supervision. Please don’t self-medicate. If you really want to re-sculpt your body to become more feminine, do it through the proper channels, which is what I’m now doing. Yes, there’s a long wait with the NHS – but better that than death.
There’s no point having a beautiful hourglass figure if it’s locked away and buried in a coffin.