So I’ve now been on MTF hormones for a month. Well, about a month and a half actually, but who’s counting? Not much has happened, but I thought I’d do a bit of an update anyway.
I began taking estrogen via a 50-microgramme patch on May 11, 2018 – it was a day that I called E Day, something I’d been counting down to for a long time.
I suppose I rather naively thought that, one that, once first little Evorel 50 patch was applied, things would start changing rapidly – bith physically and mentally.
I didn’t really expect to grow a fine pair of boobs overnight, or for my brain to be rewired in an emotional sense. But I did expect something to have happened by now – even if only a few tears or tingles.
As it is, not much has happened at all. In terms of physical feminisation, there has been zero change – at least nothing noticeable. If anything has happened, it’s so subtle as to be non-detectable. No fat restribution, no breast growth, no reduction in body hair, nada.
The same can be said from a mental point of view. I don’t feel any more “caring” to people than I did before I started – but then I’ve always been a caring kind of person anyway. Neither do I feel any differently in terms of bursting into floods of tears – something else that estrogen can have an effect on, from all accounts!
So if you’re reading this as a transwoman and you’re expecting miracles in your first month, I’ve got bad news for you, sister. You know all that waiting you went through (or are going through) after being referred to the gender clinic by your GP? Well, if you’re anything like me, you’re just gonna have to add more waiting to your schedule.
There are a couple of things estrogen may have changed – but these may have happened anyway. The first is my sex drive, which is pretty low right now. But whether that’s down to estrogen, the minoxidil I’m taking to reverse my head hair loss or the fact that my libido has always been up and down anyway, I can’t say. No impotence, btw.
The other change that may or may not be down to estrogen is my mental state – I’m really calm and happy at the moment. But that could just be down to my personal circumstances right now – life’s really, really good. Plus, we’re in the middle of a heatwave, and sunshine always makes me happy.
I was a little concerned that the estrogen could have a negative effect on my weight loss efforts, but it hasn’t at all. Since starting HRT, I’ve lost over half a stone. Go back a little further and I’ve lost 20lb in 15 weeks, so everything’s going well. I guess it helps that I’m doing Slimming World and long-distance cycling every weekend, though.
If you look at this graph, I guess I’m kind of on schedule.
So, according to this, the only changes to be expected before three months is up are lower libido (which I do have) and reduced erections (no discernable change there).
There are one or two similar graphs on the web, and they’re all roughly the same in terms of what changes can be expected when.
But I’m not sure if they relate to people who are only on estrogen or those who are taking estrogen and testosterone blockers.
From what I’ve seen online regarding transwomen in the States, and especially those who self-medicate, they tend to start estrogen and T-blockers at the same time.
But as I’m in the UK and going through the NHS “pathway”, I don’t get to start T-blockers until my estrogen has reached a certain level – and this tends to be after about six months. So I assume the effects “down there” will be more pronounced at that stage.
Other than that, not much to report. My sister and brother-in-law have STILL not told my nieces (aged nine and six) that I’m trans (they’ve only had a year!) and my brother-in-law says he wants to speak to me. I’ve refused, saying the only conversation he needs to have (or rather my sister needs to have) is with the girls.
My nieces wouldn’t give a toss – they’d say something along the lines of “Oh, is that all? What’s for tea?!” The eldest one would probably think it was cool that I’m becoming a girl – cos girls are better than boys, right?
But my brother-in-law is clearly transphobic and so is evidently trying to “protect” them from what he sees as some major negative issue. Prat!
I could talk to him, but I know he’d say something like: “Can you tone it down a bit when you come round?” In other words, don’t wear dresses or skirts in front of the girls or their little minds may explode.
Sorry, mate, I’ll wear what the f*ck I like. I don’t tell you what to wear, you don’t tell me. And I’m gonna look a whole lot different in a few months’ time. If you think I’m binding my boobs when I come round, you’ve got another think coming. Also, I’ve never worn a skirt or dress round there anyway as I feel so damned uncomfortable being trans in a transphobe’s presence.
What’s even more concerning is that I think some of his negativity is rubbing off on my sister and parents. It’s a shame. I just wish the chat with the girls could happen, and then it would all be done and everyone could stop bloody worrying needlessly.
Anyway, that’s all for now. I’ll probably do a two-month update, and there’ll probably still be no change! It’s gonna be a bit of a shock when I get those first tingles and things start changing – then it becomes REAL. Bring it on!